Well I am the big ball baby, but I was daddy's girl, and I cannot stop my tears! I seem to be the only one left crying my eyes out, my sisters are busy busy bustling about, moms cleaning this and that, my brother seems fine.........UGH Im just miserable. And I feel very alone. They are all up at moms , Im alone at my house, they dont even call me.......I know they are just busy, but it hurts, cause I am hurting, I just wish I could sit and cry and be comforted till it felt better. Maybe thats why they dont check in, maybe I am too much for them. To emotional?
I went up to moms this morning as I have done for the past three and half years I have lived here, to have a cup of coffee with her. Ususally I am grinding meds for dad every day-so that is a big change I am trying to get over, anyway one of my sisters meets me at the door and sais, "mom needs to get ready" as if I needed to leave! I know she didnt mean it bad, but I guess I am overly sensitive right now! OUCH! But then I asked why? where is she going? I mean I have been her caretaker for three years now....... to go shopping for an outfit for dads service...all the girls are going........hmm except me! Guess they forgot me. OUCH! I was quickly invited by my sweet lil neice who realized the pain that just caused me, and I snapped out a little no I wasnt invited and went to the kitchen for my coffee but of course it was all gone.......so I left to go work on dads slide show I am trying to get done, its hard looking at all those memories together and knowing I will never talk to him again till heaven. Im hoping for a better day tommarow.
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4 comments:
Oh Ruthie I love you and your heart and spirit so much. it is hard to be an emotional person, especially when it comes to times when it calls to be emotional! I too am very emotional and sometimes need a little extra lovein because of it. So I am sending you my shoulder to cry on! Love you and praying for you.
thank you Michelle! I have talked to my sis, and she said "oh honey I told you last night..." guess I was too busy bawling to hear her ask if I wanted to go. I feel like a dummy. Oh well, Im sure it will ease up eventually.. its just all the "never agains" that keep choking me, and the fear that I will forget him. I loved him , I still love him so very much. Thank you for the cyber hug, I really needed it! Gosh I am so glad right now for family in christ!
I love you!! I wish that I was there to be a support to you. It's ok to cry and to grieve, even when it seems like everyone else is doing ok. Don't feel bad for it or apologize. I don't think you will ever forget your daddy, and with time the pain will ease at least a little. :). Love you!!
thank you Nik
I thought today I would wake up strong..
ya not yet. I guess its true grieving is a process...
But your support is such a blessing to me! I love you!
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