Well I am the big ball baby, but I was daddy's girl, and I cannot stop my tears! I seem to be the only one left crying my eyes out, my sisters are busy busy bustling about, moms cleaning this and that, my brother seems fine.........UGH Im just miserable. And I feel very alone. They are all up at moms , Im alone at my house, they dont even call me.......I know they are just busy, but it hurts, cause I am hurting, I just wish I could sit and cry and be comforted till it felt better. Maybe thats why they dont check in, maybe I am too much for them. To emotional?
I went up to moms this morning as I have done for the past three and half years I have lived here, to have a cup of coffee with her. Ususally I am grinding meds for dad every day-so that is a big change I am trying to get over, anyway one of my sisters meets me at the door and sais, "mom needs to get ready" as if I needed to leave! I know she didnt mean it bad, but I guess I am overly sensitive right now! OUCH! But then I asked why? where is she going? I mean I have been her caretaker for three years now....... to go shopping for an outfit for dads service...all the girls are going........hmm except me! Guess they forgot me. OUCH! I was quickly invited by my sweet lil neice who realized the pain that just caused me, and I snapped out a little no I wasnt invited and went to the kitchen for my coffee but of course it was all gone.......so I left to go work on dads slide show I am trying to get done, its hard looking at all those memories together and knowing I will never talk to him again till heaven. Im hoping for a better day tommarow.